Returning to America

When visitors leave the center, they have them sit in the middle of the fellowship hall while all the children go up and lay hands on them and bless them. Unfortunately, some of us missed that because we went to the bush that weekend and left soon afterwards. Sharon, our hospitiality missionary, apologized. She had planned to have us prayed over and blessed early, but forgot.

We still got to say our goodbyes though, the evening before. It was fun, sitting outside with the kids laughing and joking. It did not feel like forever, and I wanted to tell them I'd be back next year. Kote, one of the older boys, stopped me as a I was saying so. He told me not to promise because sometimes it does not happen. He just said try.

To date, I still feel a bit guilty for not crying as much as some of the other team members when they left. I think I was one of the few, if not the only one, who could talk about the center without tearing up and having to stop. I wondered if I had lost my gift of mercy. I used to cry and mourn simply at the hearing of a death on the news. Now, I was able to walk away from all these little children I had held for two weeks without sobbing. Was my heart hardened?!

Looking back, I know it was because I was focusing on the positive memories and the joy we had experienced. I can say I did not get as attached as some of the other missionaries, but I also know that my purpose there was different. Should I return again, I do not know if I could escape the tears.

The Spirit of America
On the plane ride back overseas, I felt the weight of America on me. Understand, I do not mean I remembered the list of things I had to do upon returning to Abilene or the stresses of American life in general. This was a physical, spiritual burden that fell upon me. It was one of strife and heaviness. It was overwhelming, and I remember looking around and thinking if anyone else felt that.

It was crazy to feel what I had known all along, that there was a spirit of America, and that it is not of God. It was great to have a physical confirmation of Ephesians 6:12 that speaks of the spiritual forces against which we fight. However, it made me sad that this is the spirit that is over our whole continent. That it is so overbearing and expansive that I felt it halfway across the Atlantic.

It encouraged me more than ever to stand on guard in my priorities and in my prayers for this country. And it made me sad that I was returning to it...